28 December 2004

Damnit - I almost forgot

Gynelle & I talked while I was driving down to Vegas on Thursday. I apoligized for not being more concerned about how her divorce was affecting her. I admited that I was worried she was not ready to start dating but I didn't want to ask. I felt awkard asking about it - no one really wants to hear about the ex and I was afraid of the answer. She thanked me but still really wanted to take all the blame.

I realized something at that moment. We both wanted to take part of the blame because neither one wanted to feel helpless. If it's all Gynelle's fault then there's nothing for me to do. But if even part of the blame is mine then I'm not helpless. I can at least fix that part. I can do something. I think she feels a bit the same.

Oh well - we're going snowshoeing just as soon as I can arrange it. Gynelle's idea. We can be friends even if we can't be lovers. We kinda skipped that part the first time.

31

Another Christmas gone and I'm now 31. Happy Birthday to me.

19 December 2004

And the fun never stops

There I was desperately driving around the city in an attempt to get everything ready for the evening. I had to
  • get the truck washed

  • deliver a care package to a co-worker & his family

  • buy presents

  • retrieve my pants from the tailor

  • get my haircut
Lot's to do and not much time.

11:54 AM Gynelle calls. I'm driving around trying to remember where my co-worker lives when she calls. She says she's "stressed out". I not sure what's coming but I know it can't be good so I pull over to the side of the road. It doesn't take long for me to figure out which way the conversation is heading. After a few minutes of Gynelle trying to explain without actually saying anything I cut her off and tell her I'm coming over. No way am I letting her do this over a phone. Less than five mintues later I'm knocking on Gynelle's door.

She's made a mistake. She's scared and not ready to start dating again. Her divorce isn't even final yet. That's news to me. She want's to back-off for a while. Things are moving too fast... She looked really stressed. I believe her. I told her I understood her need even if I couldn't fully understand her feelings. I admited I was disappointed and upset but respected her decision. Then I walked out and got on with my errands.

Here's what I didn't say - what I still need to say.

I'm not going to push. I'm not going to pine. I want you to make a decision. I hope you make it in my favor. I hope you make it in time. You let me know when you want to see me again and I'll try to be there.

That's really all I can do.

16 December 2004

Two days

Two days to the big party with friends
The pants are paid for
The shirt is bought
The gifts are still a mystery

14 December 2004

Hazelnut

She drinks hazelnut coffee. I was desperate.

12 December 2004

The girlfriend

I think I have a new girlfriend.

Gynelle and I just passed the all critical third date threshold on Saturday. That's three dates in two weeks. Two in one weekend. Short of an engraved card I think that's about as official as it gets. Date four is going to be high pressure. My friends Elizabeth Bellit and Erin Bolton are holding their annual Christmas party on the 18th. Gynelle has agreed to go with me. It will be the first time she has met any of my firends. It's also probably the last time we will be together before I head to Vegas for Christmas. I'll be back for New Year's though.

Wish me luck. Wish me calm.